Monday, September 6, 2010

I'm not a litter bug - but there is this exception....

I would not advocate to litter - but there is a special case when I think you will agree that it is better to leave litter on the ground and keep walking.

Its a guy thing - having a slash at a urinal. I was finishing an enjoyable wee when a mountain of a man steped up next to me on the urinal - and started undoing his daks. I was finish - and at the wash station - and getting ready to dry my hands when the big guy opened his sluice gate. I lobbed the hand paper towel into the bin next to the urinal - and missed. The paper towel landed just to the side of the urinal - but close to gentleman that was a foot taller than me relieving himself.

To prosecute the recovery of the paper towel - and bin it - I would have to move to the side of the urinal, and drop to hip level - a position that would put me eye to (snake) eye with the mountain man, and about a foot from his crotch.

What would he think about me going around the side of the urinal and looking at his privates?

There was no dilemma - I walked out - quickly and left the litter.

Monday, July 26, 2010

The aerobic nature of caravanning

Caravanning can be quite exhausting. I had to reverse into a tight spot today, and I finally mastered the art of the 90 point turn to manoeuvre the van into the spot - much to the cheap thrills of the grey nomads watching. I was a lather of sweat at the end of the ordeal. I can now only stay at the drive through type caravan parks.

But not a sweaty as some - the van net to me was rocking off it stabilisers during the late afternoon - and I could only assume it was due to some intense horizontal folk dancing. It must have lasted a good hour or more. I was wondering what type of couple were going to emerge for this love nest - and my guess they were to be newly weds. Would grey nomads be up to it for that long? Maybe a couple of blokes doing a Breakback Mountain?

After the rocking stopped, no one emerged. I started cooking the bbq - keeping a weather eye on the smokin' van - but up until 3 hours later - no one came out of the van. I would have to wait until tomorrow to see who the Casanova couple.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The big question my mates ask - "So Hamlet, how will you have quality time with the missus whilst the kids are in the van"

I am excited about this trip - so much planning, organising and spending. But there is one universal question that my mates keep asking me - "How do you get any 'QUALITY TIME' with the missus - with the kids in the van?

"Well" - I say - "the whole trip is quality family time I say".

"No" - they keep prying. "Adult time".

Not all my friends are this subtle - and enjoy putting the direct question to me.

Well - the answer according to more knowledgeable caravanners is that most sex seems to occur in the.......ladies showers. According to two reliable (albe it drunken) sources - the answer is that most action is what they describe as "knee tremblers" after hours in the showers.

Hmm - Well I know where to try to park the van.

Your devoted correspondent


Monday, July 5, 2010

What's the bet we divorse before we get to Alice?

My mates are a miserable bunch.

I have been planning the trip of a lifetime with the wife and the kids, and they are running a book on whether the wife and I are divorced by Alice Springs - about 7 days into a 80 day epic caravan trek through Australia. As if...

80 days - from Mildura, Port Augusta, up to Kakadu, Broome, and Perth - towing a van with the wife, and the fruit from our loins.

It won't be all beer and skittles- there are 3 kids - who can't sit in the same car for 5 minutes without the niggling, teasing or wind passing that after 20 mintues leads to the hollow threat " help me I leave you the side of the road and you can get home yourself ...". Then there is my super handy repair skills - god help us if we break down. And the caravan is a bit dodgy as well -

Hmm - I wonder what odds they will give me.

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
Strap yourself in - we plan to give you a daily itininery of the journey, point to point km, caravan parks we stay in - the sites, travel times, where the good grub can be found, and answer any questions.

Cheers -